Sporting Thoughts from New Delhi

If you’re wondering why there hasn’t been a blog post of late, particularly with all of the Warriors stuff going down, it’s because I’ve spent the last week traveling to India and getting situated here. After a journey/ordeal that totaled more than 24 hours straight, an Internet connection that has never worked 24 hours straight, and what can only be described as ridiculous Heat (just like Miami), I’ve finally gotten a moment to settle down and write about sports. That is, if things like rugby, cricket, and Formula One racing fit your definition of “sports”.

You see, after watching the Indian version of ESPN for, oh, about two full days now, I’ve come to realize that the dominant sports here, and in the rest of the world for that matter, are quite a bit different from the games that we covet back in the USA. So, after one week of experience in an alternate sports reality, here are some of the things that I’ve noticed/decided upon.

1. Cricket, at least in traditional form, really is as boring as its cracked up to be. I mean, just imagine watching a baseball game where the catcher would call an infield conference after every pitch, home runs happened once every couple of days, and the players would break for brunch and tea. That’s bordering on Craig-Sager-in-a-plain-suit boring. And it doesn’t help that Indian cricket players find a way to flop and otherwise pull up with fake injuries, DURING A CRICKET MATCH! Yes, a cricket match, where applying more sunscreen to your nose while playing in the field might be the only physical exertion required of you for MULTIPLE HOURS. These guys make Arjen Robben look like Brett Favre.

2. Rugby, for the most part, is really just a bunch of guys rubbing up on each other. There are exciting points, like the bone-crunching tackles, diving tries (their version of a touchdown), and splendid drop kicks, but other than that it’s like one big hug-it-out session. A rugby scrum, which features groups of opposing players pushing up against each other to regain possession, pretty much typifies what I like to call the rugby mentality: I may look like a physically sculpted man-beast, but I really just want to cuddle.

3. Formula One racing is like NASCAR, except that its drivers are made out to be the biggest prima donnas in the sporting world. There is so much manufactured drama, so many doctored story lines, and so much unnecessary hype that you really can’t focus on the racing at all. Which, in all honestly, probably works in Formula One’s favor. The one race that I watched (through-and-through, I may add) featured exactly zero lead changes and zero wrecked cars. It did, however, feature a pair of utterly unbearable announcers, a dramatic confrontation between two drivers’ pit crews, and plenty of discussion about the latest news regarding star racer Lewis Hamilton’s love life. And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how you draw a worldwide audience of over 600 million people per race.

Anyways that’s all I’ve got for now, but I’m doing some more research on my Golden State Warriors’ new ownership group and I’ll get back with some thoughts on that development in a couple of days. Until then…I guess some more cricket won’t hurt, right?